


Leave The Trauma Behind Us (it's okay to not be okay)

by FluffyAzzy



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Abusive Kate Argent, Alpha Talia Hale, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Derek Hale Angst, Established Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Flashbacks, Gen, Good Alpha Talia Hale, Hurt Derek, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned Kate Argent, Past Kate Argent/Derek Hale, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Stiles Stilinski Helps Derek Hale, Talia Hale Feels, Warning: Kate Argent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26459626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyAzzy/pseuds/FluffyAzzy
Summary: A trigger: A trigger in psychology is a stimulus such as a smell, sound, or sight that triggers feelings of trauma.;In other words, ash has a very prominent smell and a very traumatic event linked to it. And Derek is definitely not okay.But sometimes that in itself is okay.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 8
Kudos: 97





	Leave The Trauma Behind Us (it's okay to not be okay)

Derek was in the dark. In figurative terms, the darkness was so thick that he couldn't move. However in the literal sense, all he had to do was reach over and turn on his reading lamp. But he couldn't move, not even a finger, with the weight he could feel endlessly pressing into every corner of his person. The weight had no physical cause but it certainly felt as real as the draft of cold air that always seemed to go through the loft. Truthfully, it was a byproduct of every single mistake Derek had ever made in his life.

Not being able to prevent the multiple deaths of his pack, for starters. Erica and Boyd deserved so much _more_ from their lives. They deserved to _continue_ , they were _too young_. Derek could have _saved them_ but he _didn't_.

He could have handled the situation with Issac so much better. He could have been there for him when he needed someone most. He needed all the guidance he didn't get from his sorry excuse for a father. Instead, all he got was a sorry excuse for an alpha. Issac also _deserved better than him_.

Scott and his uncle. He'd had to _kill his uncle_. My god and he barely hesitated, what kind of a _monster_ did that make him? Scott deserved to be guided better too. He and Issac thankfully got along as bitten werewolves, sharing some similar learning experiences. Scott helped Issac more than he had. Maybe Scott deserved the Alpha title and power more than Derek did. Surely almost anyone would have been better than him.

The wind picked up, the room grew colder and with it grew the smell of ash from a nearby fire. It was only a small one and was quickly put out by a small team of firefighters with barely any damage. However the smell lingered in the air, especially prominent to the heightened senses. The occurrence of which brought him back to what is without a doubt the worst thing he's ever done.

He should have never let Kate into his life. He shouldn't have let her anywhere _near_ him or his family. She _killed_ his family and _he helped her_. She- she took _advantage of him_ and he _helped her kill his family_. He told her anything she wanted to know about them, even though she was an Argent, a hunter. It's _his_ _fault_ that they're all _dead_ and there's _nothing he can do to change that_. He can't just fix it all and go back in time to tell his younger self that his mother was right.

Because that's the thing, isn't it? She'd tried to pull him away from Kate, she'd tried to warn him. "Kate is a toxic poison. She doesn't truly love you" She'd told him. Having been pulled aside before pack dinner, with a fierce ire in his mother's eyes that, looking back now, held a kind of protectiveness only processed by a parent willing to do anything for their child.

He'd pushed her away. He'd told her that she didn't understand, she hadn't even met her or given her a chance. She didn't know Kate and how she was somehow _different_ and _special_. Not like the rest of the Argents. His mother had looked heartbroken and furious all in one. He'd been grounded, yet made the effort to sneak out and see Kate anyway. Then Kate had burnt down his family home with almost all of his pack and family in it. His mother included.

_It's my fault, she got in and it's my FAULT-_

There was a tap on Derek's wrist that brought the noise in his head down and less in focus. The smell had him registering who it was before he could see them. Wait, why couldn't he focus on looking at them?

"Hey sourwolf, gonna need you to play a little fun game with me for a second, yeah?" Stiles gently grabbed both of Derek's wrists to pull them away from out of his hair. It was only then that Derek could feel the pain in his scalp from pulling his hair. How long had he been doing that for? "Good, okay we're gonna start that game. Try and tell me five things you can hear?" Stiles asked.

"I- I can hear you, the wind blowing through the leaves, rustling plastic, the water dropping from the leak downstairs and myself?" Derek answered. As he'd come up with answers, his thoughts started to come back into focus. Stiles must have turned on his lamp when he came in but he doesn't remember seeing it let alone knowing _when_ Stiles came into the room.

"Awesome, now think you can list four things you can smell?" Stiles continued with the steps. Derek breathed in a big breath of air, as if he'd been deprived of it for hours. The impact however made him wish he hadn't.

"Ash. Burnt wood, fear and tears." Derek rushed his words as he started to hyperventilate. He could smell the way the people outside that building must feel even though they are so far away it shouldn't be possible. But the memories of those scents mixed together brought it to the forefront. There was movement and then a sharp thud off to the side. The breeze was gone. Stiles quickly came back over and leaned forward to wipe away tears on Derek's face, that he hadn't even realised he'd shed.

"Hey, hey big guy. I don't think that's all you can smell right now is it? Wanna have a bit of another go and focus on scents in the room?" Stiles gently suggested. Why was he being so gentle with him? He _killed his_ -

"Um, I smell your cheap deodorant." Derek started. Stiles snorted at that as he laughed a little. Stiles moved to hold Derek's hands as he continued. "Also the- did you bring Chinese takeout?"

"Yeah I did! Wasn't sure exactly what you'd be in the mood for but thought that I couldn't go wrong with that." Stiles answered. "Ok so, three things you can see?" With Derek regaining focus, his visual processing was back.

"I see you, the bag of food and the bed." Derek replied smoothly this time. Stiles was smiling at him. He must have kicked his shoes off when he came in since his feet were tucked up next to him on the bed. Odd socks as usual.

"You're doing great, almost there. Two things you can feel?" Stiles prompted. Stiles' thumbs rubbed patterns into Derek's hands. The repetition and pressure was comforting and further helped to bring Derek back into reality.

"Your hands and the bed sheets." Derek replied.

"And one thing you can taste?" Stiles asked. Derek, completely back in reality, had a very good idea for this answer. He leaned forward slowly with enough time for Stiles to back away. When it was clear Stiles was leaning towards him as well, Derek kissed him. The kiss was short but no less sweet and full of emotion.

"You." Derek replied.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a conversation with my sibling where I suddenly thought about the possibility that Talia did actually try to stop the whole Kate and Derek thing from happening. The problem being is that I've known that to happen and the victim push that person away, so this way born!
> 
> Notes I need you to know:  
> \- I in absolutely no way think Scott would actually make a better alpha. This was used to show just how ridiculous the brain can get with cognitive distortions and doubt.  
> \- From things I have found, parts of this could be considered flashbacks. He is definitely having at least an emotion level flashback and, from experience, those are never fun.  
> \- Stiles definitely knows every grounding method under the sun to help with anxiety attacks/flashbacks and you can't tell me otherwise.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [In An Attempt To Move On (it's ok to make mistakes)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26609842) by [FluffyAzzy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyAzzy/pseuds/FluffyAzzy)




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